It could have been worse
by Aviatrix-of-the-River-Styx
Summary: So you've got your standard 'girls go to fictional world'. Danni’s the short, sarcastic, down to earth one and Kate’s the blond, optimistic, naive one, got that? You know that you're curious.
1. Chapter 1

Satirical Self Insertation (for all those naive people)

Ok its only part satire, mostly humour

-

Danni and Kate were sitting in front of the TV. Much like all 16 year old do because none of them have lives or do homework. Danni's the short, sarcastic, down to earth one and Kate's the blond, optimistic, naïve one, got that?

Both girls were watching the ever popular Anime: Naruto. Because Kate was a fan girl and Danni couldn't be bother to reach the remote and change channel.

"Wouldn't it be so cool to be a ninja," Kate sighed watching as Sasuke stood up to Haku with his Sharingan active. Danni looked at her friend and snorted.

"No"

"How can you say that???" gasped Kate highly offended and ready to defend her precious show in seconds.

"Open mouth and speak. Could you get me a Coke, I want to drown my sorrows in caffeine." From experience Danni knew that Kate could speak for months about the greatness of Naruto and arguing was a waste of time and effort.

"Why are you drowning your sorrows?"

"Because then I can forget my friend is a fan girl"

"Why not Red Bull?"

"Do you know where taurine comes from?" asked Danni, she had found out where it came from. Even if most of the time it was synthetic it was still weird.

"No, where?" asked Kate, eyes wide, ready to learn something new.

"Look it up," said Danni as she turned back to the TV in time to see Sasuke become a human pin cushion. Kate left to get the bottle, she had practically memorised the episodes but she still loved watching them.

The world seemed to swirl in front of the TV as Kate walked back into the room with Danni's Coke. Danni of course was looking at it with disinterest. Kate gasped and almost dropped the bottle. The TV sparked out as the swirl grew and Kate _did_ drop the bottle only for it to be caught by Danni who opened it and took a long gulp.

"If you would stop gawping I want to see what happens next," said Danni acting as if there wasn't a huge vortex of colour in front of the TV.

"Can't you see the swirly thing?" asked Kate her eyes glued to the swirl. Danni rolled her eyes.

"I'm trying not to"

"Let's see where it goes," suggested Kate, she was bouncing slightly where she stood.

"Let's not, I don't want to die, which is what we'll both end up doing and you know it"

"But it could lead to the Naruto world" whined Kate, to her the choice was obvious.

"All the more reason not to. What if it doesn't, what if we get stuck in some other show like Pingu?"

"But the TV was on Naruto so it must go to Naruto" Kate protested. She reached for the swirl. Danni sighed, if Kate did something stupid, chance were she would have to make sure she stayed alive. Kate took a step back and then a flying leap at the swirl. Danni watched in fascination as Kate did not smash into he TV as she had initially thought (and hoped).

"Why do you have to do this?" asked Danni aloud. She got up from her spot by the sofa and inspected the swirl. She took a swig of her Coke and stepped through.

The ride was not the most pleasant and it wasn't one Danni would like to have experienced and never wanted to experience again. She was deposited about six foot in the air and the ground was hard.

She learnt first hand about gravity and acceleration due to gravity.

"We're in a forest Danni! A magical forest of hope and wonder," squealed Kate excitedly, Naruto was mainly set in a forest. She, of course, was oblivious to the glare she was getting from Danni.

"No… fecking… duh." Danni went to take another drink from her bottle only to find it absent. Looking around revealed no sign of it.

"The fecking vortex stole my Coke. Bastard!" Danni shook a fist as the air where the vortex had been, vowing revenge. She heard Kate squeal and her vow of revenge only became more serious.

"Look! Someone's coming"

"Maybe it's a ninja," was Danni's sarcastic input. Seconds later they were blinded by a set of blindingly bright shiny teeth.

"Yosh! What do we have here? Two damsels in distress" declared the man, who was dressed in green spandex behind him were three small people, one was an identical clone, the other two look like girls to Danni but Kate knew other wise.

"Make that one. I'm not distressed," said Danni airily, she flopped back onto the ground resting her head on her arms and closed her eyes. When she opened them she expected to be back home, sitting by the sofa, with a plate of cold pizza in front of her.

"Ooh, ooh. Pick me, I'm distressed." Danni sighed, some hope.

"You will be if you don't stop being such a tweenager with a crush," Danni muttered.

"What was that my youthful friend?" boomed the older guy.

"If you don't shut up and let me stay calm then I will insert your foot inside of your rectal cavity," said Danni calmly. She could almost hear the confused look on their faces.

"Gai-sensei, what is a rectal cavity?" From the wording being similar to the old guy Danni assumed it was the mini-him.

"You will find out on your own"

"Hey, don't shield the kid, he has the right to know. The rectal cavity is where the stick is placed in the girly person," said Danni, she really wished she still had her Coke.

"Danni! They're only thirteen!" reprimanded Kate.

"I found out what a rectal cavity was at ten," Danni shrugged. "And in case you didn't understand, it's your ass"

"How unyouthful of you to insult someone"

"Don't you have someone else to bother?"

"Danni! Could you direct us to Konoha?" asked Kate politely. She kept glaring at Danni who was looking unconcernedly at the sky.

"We are headed that way, it would be an honour to escort y…"

"Directions are fine" Danni cut in getting up from the ground. Her sanity would get lost on the way if she was 'escorted'.

"But it is unsafe…" the short green person began.

"That has yet to stop me"

"That doesn't mean you should," came a new voice from behind them.

"Kakashi! My eternal rival! How hip of you to arrive in the middle of this encounter"

"If I had my way it would be the end," muttered Danni, Kate was looking star struck. Kakashi just looked up from his book.

"Hm, did you say something?"

"It's rude to not pay attention when someone's talking to you old man," said Danni scolding the jounin.

"Danni, this is Kakashi Hatake, the one who copied a thousand justus" Kate hissed.

"The ladies have heard of you my rival! I must do one thousand push ups so I too may be recognised by these ladies," declared the green person. Kate sighed in awe, anyone who could do that could obviously protect them.

"You do that, in the mean time I will be taking my leave," said Danni and she headed for the trees.

"As much as I hate to admit it but I agree with Gai, you shouldn't be out on your own," mused Kakashi in a condescending tone that made Danni scowl.

"Ok, I'll go find someone… Hello Mr Leaf, you'll protect me." Said Danni holding up a leaf from the floor.

"You're a weird kid" Kakashi commented in an amused tone. Danni scowled.

"So is your mom"

"Danni, I don't think they understand 'yo mom' jokes" said Kate, and _she_ was the immature one.

"It was an insult about your parents, how hard is it to understand?" Danni asked, it seemed obvious to her.

"Why did you even come if all your going to do is piss off everyone"

"Someone has to make sure you don't die, get pregnant, injured too badly or all of the above. Since no one else stepped up to the plate I thought what the hell"

"Where are you two from anyway?" asked Kakashi in his unique, 'I really couldn't care less about the answer but have to ask anyway' way.

"I blame you for that question," Kate said glaring at Danni. Danni just shrugged, she wasn't fussed about this. She was still a bit sour that the stupid vortex had stolen her bottle of life juice.

"We're from a place we like to call home," was Danni's answer. She could see Kakashi evaluating the answer.

"Are you two ninjas?" Kate was almost bouncing around, to her this meant Kakashi thought she was a ninja.

"No, we're just two smart arse kids wandering around like vagabonds," Danni said before Kate said anything stupid. Like saying 'yes' as if they were ninjas. Kakashi raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"What? You think were ninjas? Come on she can barley walk without tripping over, I'm to apathetic to even consider it," Danni didn't see Kate leap at her until she was getting crushed by the slightly annoyed girl.

"See, I couldn't even be bother to dodge that" Danni stood up causing Kate to fall off her.

"All the more reason you should have an escort"

"Danni please can we go? Please. Pretty please with uh… um… oh crap… uh. How about I'll not bug you?" Danni gave Kate a deadpan look.

"Was that supposed to persuade me to do anything?"

"Please can we go?"

"I'm not stopping you"

"You have to go too" Kate whined, she didn't want to go on her own, it would be boring having no one else who know about the situation

"I don't _have _to do anything," Danni pointed out causing Kate to snarl at her.

"You are so childish"

"Blame the coke stealing vortex"

"You're still upset about that?"

"Of course not, it's not like I actually like drinking the stuff," Danni hissed sarcastically.

"How about if you let us go to the village I'll find the most caffeinated drink for you"

"And how do you expect to pay for it dumbass" Danni asked.

"Must you burst my bubble?" Kate grumbled pouting.

"Yes, it's in my job description"

"You have a job?" Danni looked to Kakashi who had asked the innocent question. They had been so caught up in their discussion that they had forgotten about the ninjas.

"Looking after my delusional friend here," Danni explained, "it doesn't pay well but I have nothing better to do" she said shrugging.

"Thanks" Kate complained sarcastically.

"So it's settled, we'll accompany you to Konoha," Gai boomed standing in a weird pose. Both Danni and Kate would agree that the waves that had appeared behind him were scaring.

"Wait, when did we agree this?" Danni asked alarmed.

"Just go with it," Kate pleaded.

"I suppose it could have been worse, we could have ended up in Twilight"

-

Moral of chapter: Anything is better than Twilight

OR

Team seven isnt the only team that the OC's can meet

Or even

OC's dont always agree with each other, they do fight


	2. Chapter 2

Slightly shorter chapter

--

It took a good couple of hours to get to Konoha, Danni was suspiciously quiet along the way. If you didn't include walking into at least three trees and tripping over a multitude of roots/logs/sticks and cursing every single time that is. Kate had been working extra hard not to fall over and embarrass herself.

"Are you always this clumsy?" One of the smaller ninjas asked. Kate groaned, now Danni had an excuse to verbally lash out.

"Yup, do you enjoy picking out other peoples faults, is it like a part time hobby?"

"At least I can walk without my face meeting the ground," the long haired ninja retorted.

"Look at my face, do you see mud? Or Dirt? No. This means you're wrong, get used to it," Danni shot back condescendingly. The smaller green boy gasped.

"My rival has been bested in a duel of words," the kid was promptly ignored.

"Words mean nothing," the long haired kid hissed, obviously not pleased.

"Unless they're in a thick scroll, then you can knock the stuffing out of someone," Danni smiled sweetly.

"Burn," Kate crowed. She had stopped caring about the awesome ninjas. Such was the attention span of a fan girl. This was getting interesting she had to admit, the others were also watching the verbal spar. How long it would stay verbal was something they would find out.

"You're still too clumsy to be able to wield something like that, so it would be useless. Just like you,"

"You as a supposed 'ninja' should know better than to judge by appearances," Danni lectured, even using the air quotes around 'ninja'. The two adults looked at her sceptically. "I doubt you even are a ninja, I mean you don't show any of the traits, you let someone get under your skin way to easily, and I could easily use that to my advantage"

"You are _not_ getting under my skin," he stressed.

"I would beg to differ, the fact you're defending yourself when you shouldn't need to if you're so sure about yourself is proof enough," Danni smirked.

"Neji, part of being a ninja is knowing when you can't win," his teacher told him only serving to fuel the kids anger.

"I will not be mocked by someone who isn't even a ninja"

"Too late, you lose!" This was apparently the last straw as Danni saw the glint of metal an instinctively dodged.

"So much for apathetic…" Kakashi pointed out dryly.

"No, there's a link between 'apathetic' and 'moving out of the way of something that can seriously maim me', these are called reflexes, the brain isn't involved in either," Danni said as if talking to a child.

"So you don't use your brain, you must be an idiot."

"Funny that, I still managed to beat you in a battle of words, that must make you stupider than me"

"You're weak, you are destined to be forever weak," the kid said dismissively.

"I'm sorry, was that supposed to be an insult? If it was then it, like you, failed," Danni said patronizingly in return.

"And that's about enough from both of you," Kakashi cut in before the boy could retort. "You both should be mature enough to not argue every step of the way, Neji, as a ninja you should be mature enough to not let her get to you. New girl, you shouldn't provoke him"

"We never did introduce ourselves," Kate exclaimed. "I'm Kate-" Danni covered her mouth with a hand. She knew that Kate wouldn't lick it, every time she had tripped over she had landed on her hands so they weren't in any way clean.

"It's best if we leave out family names unknown, you won't have heard of them so I see no point diverging them," Danni interrupted.

"Are you two sisters then?" the smaller green kid asked.

"That would be a no"

"What is you name then young maiden?" the older green thing asked.

"Did no one listen to the many times Kate here moaned at me using my name, I thought ninjas were supposed to notice things like that"

"That is true Danni." Danni hid her look of mild surprise well, she shouldn't have been surprised, this was Kakashi who had paid attention. She removed her hand from Kate's mouth. She noticed Neji staring at her intently with weird sticky out vein things that she could not pronounce for the life of her.

"That was gross, what was on you hand?" asked a very disgusted Kate.

"Skin, mud, dirt, decomposed animals and other things" Danni replied nonchalantly, she couldn't help but smirk at them.

"I didn't mean the graphic details," Kate cringed shoving Danni who ended up tripping over something else. Unfortunately she put her hands out reflexively to save herself. The longhaired kid had been standing in front of her trying to ignore her. Danni managed to pull down his shorts to his ankles.

"What is the alcohol drinking age in this village anyway?" Danni asked recovering quickly from the mishap, she stood up dusting herself down. The kid was frozen as if not believing that had just happened. The rest of the team were staring at him not believing it either.

"Either eighteen or when you become a genin" Kakashi answered.

"Damn, I don't think I would pass for eighteen and becoming a genin would be too much effort," Danni grumbled, still ignoring the incident. She continued to walk Kakashi walking beside her. To him this girl was a walking contradiction, he was almost certain that that had been no accident. Neji had had his byakugan activated, so why hadn't he reacted to stop this.

The rest of the walk was in silence, Neji was silent and would occasionally glare at Danni, refusing to walk in front of her. Where as most people would have apologised, Danni was also silent. Kate was worried, a quiet Danni was normally a plotting Danni.

"Distraction!" Kate yelled as she jumped onto Danni's back scaring the living daylights out of the kids.

"Kate… if you do not get of my back I will maim you," Danni said in a strangely calm voice. Said girl jumped off immediately. Both girls noticed Neji trying to restrain himself from commenting, they figured he didn't want to be reprimanded again. Someone that pompous probably was internally embarrassed. Danni was defiantly going to have to watch her back.

"I feel like singing," Kate announced, Danni groaned in response.

"So do I, I doubt we're thinking of the same song though"

"_I used to think maybe you loved me now baby I'm sure._ _And I just cant wait till the day when you knock on my door,_" everyone cringed at the sound of Kate singing, Danni even more so since she knew Kate was only faking the bad singing that their ear drums were subjected to.

"Oh for the love of…damn" Danni face palmed. "Kate, do me a favour and put a sock in it"

"But I thought my singing was good" Kate pouted and opened her mouth to sing some more. "_Now every time I go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down. Cos I just wait till you write me you're coming around._" Danni put her fingers in her ears. "_I'm walking on sunshine! Wooooaaahhhh_" Kate belted out. The other ninjas cringed.

"Well done Kate, you've probably alerted everyone in a five mile radius that we're here" Danni congratulated sarcastically.

--

Moral of the chapter: not all OC's can sing, even if they can they may not chose to sing well

OR

OC's are not always the kind who worship the floor the ninjas walk on, alegences change

OR

Smart arse OC's are hilarious


	3. Chapter 3

It's been a while hasn't it

--

"So you _found_ these two girls," the old man sitting at the desk in front of them asked sceptically.

"You make it sound like we're stray puppies" Kate whined.

"Do we have a home?" Danni asked turning to face her friend.

"Uh, no"

"Then I'll agree we're strays but we aren't puppies" Danni said, Kate looked at her and thought back a few seconds.

"You really know how to derail a conversation don't you?"

"You know it"

"Why did we show them where the village was?" The long haired kid asked shaking his head, this was the fifteenth time Danni had changed the subject.

"You guys volunteered, I didn't want to go but noooo I had to." Danni looked at the group accusingly. "You only have yourselves to blame"

"If I give you girls a place to live temporarily then you will need to find a job." the old guy was great at ignoring the derailment. "What kind of skills do you two have exactly?"

"I want to be a ninja," Kate yelled before Danni could stop her.

"Ignore her, she has mental issues and would be a very bad ninja." Kate pouted at Danni. "See, any ninja would have been able to see that coming"

"Fine, I can sing," Kate announced, the group who had escorted the two girls started to snigger.

"Lies, she can cook and tell stories, she makes a mean lasagne"

"What about you?" the old man asked turning to Danni and looking over her with a critical eye.

"I can fix things, insult people, and deflate egos"

"Don't forget you awesome bartending skills," Kate piped up. Danni glared at her, she wasn't supposed to tell. That would only lead to questions about how.

"How did you come about those skills?" Danni groaned and intensified her glare at Kate.

"I had to do something to pass the time, how did you come across the skills to become leader of this village?"

"I see your point, I hear Yoshi's bar needs another bartender, Kate, you probably could help in the kitchen there, both on a probationary period of three months"

"Can I ask one more question?"

"You just did but ok"

"I won't go into why you're wrong about that but anyway, does anyone here have a brain, what if we were ninjas infiltrating this place?"

"Are you?" asked the smaller green kid, he looked very down at the very thought of it.

"You know what, I'll take my chances wandering around the surrounding woods, maybe I'll get mauled by savage beasts" Danni suggested and turned to the door and walked out. The group was shocked, well, all but Kate.

"Have fun" Kate yelled to her back. Danni just waved a hand dismissively as she walked out of sight down the corridor.

"What's up with her?"

"I think she just lost faith in humanity, again" Kate replied solemnly.

"Again?"

"Yup, again"

"Aren't you going to stop her?"

"Nope, if she's not here she can't burst my bubble"

"It's dangerous for girls like you to be out there alone, that's why we brought you to the village"

"If you can persuade her to come back be my guest" Kate shrugged, ditzy she may be, stupid she was not.

"Kakashi go get her, we don't need a girl wandering around on her own," The Hokage ordered, Kakashi nodded then disappeared in a swirl of leaves and dust.

"Danni had a point you know. Why are you paying so much attention to us?" Kate asked.

"You aren't going to let that go, are you?"

"If Danni points it out chances are it's a valid point" Kate shrugged, her almost uncaring gaze was unnerving the occupants of the room.

"How about this, I'll explain if she returns here," the Hokage proposed. Kate narrowed her eyes, that sounded like the kind of deal Danni would make.

"You're good." Kate doubted that she would be able to evade the deal without Danni's help. If Danni were here then the deal wouldn't need to be circumvented.

Danni hadn't actually gotten far, she was sat outside the Hokage tower. She figured someone would look for her. She saw someone jump onto a nearby building from the Hokage's office. The silver haired guy. Something didn't seem right about him as he jumped further away. Almost as if he wasn't really there, his figure would flicker, like a shadow.

"Oh that figures," she murmured, she was watching a shadow clone.

"What figures?" Danni managed to hide her surprise well, behind her was the very person who she had been watching the shadow clone of.

"Do you mind? I'm trying to talk to my self"

"That's a sign of madness"

"Your point? I'm mad, I get it. What do you want?"

"You should come back inside"

"Will I lose my faith in humanity if I do?"

"Oh, I'm sorry if I made that sound like an option, you don't really have a choice"

"You ever heard the expression 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink'?" Danni asked seemingly offhandedly.

"I can't say I have," Kakashi admitted.

"Well now you've heard of it and you'll also find out what it means first hand." The grin on Danni's face was a bit disturbing.

"Why are you so difficult?"

"It's my nature, why do you always read porn?"

"It has a good story" Kakashi defended. Danni looked at him with unimpressed eyes. "Really," he insisted. Danni rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"So what's the quickest way out of here?" Danni asked, changing the subject again without warning.

"Well first… wait, what? You're a sly one aren't you?"

"So close yet so far," Danni sighed. "Back to the office then?"

"Yup"

"Up all of those long stairs" she sighed making it sound like a huge trek.

"Uh huh"

"Down that curved corridor to the only door"

"Is there a point to this?" Kakashi asked slightly puzzled.

"Procrastination" she smirked. "It's one of my many mysterious talents"

"Let's just get going" Kakashi grunted, rolling his eyes. The journey back to the office was silent. Not even their footsteps were heard. Kakashi frowned, he should be able to hear them. No civilian walked that quietly.

--

Moral of the chapter: Anyone can derail a conversation

OR

The supposedly dim OC's can have a hidden intelligence that rarely apears

OR

Speech is a powerful tool


End file.
